Analog Versus Digital A Humorous Article |
Yes, it is a war, though not like any other. To best understand the difference between them, consider the watch. You are probably familiar with both types, but rarely think about them. The analog watch is a mechanical thingy, made of cogs, springs and gears. The idea is to wind the spring to provide a force so that the "hands" for hours, minutes and seconds will move, hopefully in the right direction and at a reasonably accurate rate of time. The digital watch is totally different, a modern miracle of technology, though we have gone far beyond anything conceived by its inventors. Here, the liquid-crystal display is a set of numbers. They are "powered" by a small button-cell battery. It provides the force that enables a miniature integrated circuit (IC) to "count" in a special way using the binary system of ones and zeroes. It also enables tiny, light-emitting diodes (LEDs) to illuminate in proper sequence to form numbers, all of which are based upon a specific frequency (time) controlled by a small crystal. Although the globe is analog in conception (G-d?) our scientists have been rapidly converting it to digital. Is that siliconized blasphemy? The technology has impacted just about everything we think about and do. Consider the importance of the computer in your life. Virtually everything from money, work, home, entertainment and food has become digitized, although the electrical banana has never really taken off. The idea is to make everything smaller, more compact, powerful and efficient, with the single exception of female breasts. Gone or going are the analog days of buying food at the local grocery and stuffing it in bags. You can't even die the old way, not with the advent of drive-up funerals, replete with selection buttons for religious ceremonies, synthesized music and interment parameters like cremation specifications, urn or coffin end products and even digital sobbing. Naturally, these innovative geniuses have gone beyond that and decided to make sex more efficient. Granted, we have to progress from immature fumblings before achieving sophisticated debauchery with the old methods. But, is a digitized dildo, stunningly designed with timed, flashing lights, really all that great for the ladies? Do men find phosphorescent, singing condoms more inspirational than basic equipment? Is the computer controlled water bed, ranged carefully between placid and tidal waves, actually an improvement? Where is the originality, the outright, sparkling, pioneer exploitation of making love whilst standing upright in a hammock? We all know about motorized suction cup BJs, but most men prefer analog lips and delicate, un-programmed hands. Oh, they will probably come up with something flashy for the backseats of cars or the supposedly "isolated," high, grassy, camouflaged areas. But I think they will have trouble with old-fashioned canoes, enclosed porches and garaged lawn furniture. They can probably make elevators, buses, trains and airplanes remarkably stimulating, though I can't imagine any sort of improvement with fireplaces, dressing cubicles, library basements or unisex rest rooms. I guess they are left with trying to impact our bodies with even greater travesties than those already invented. Power penilectomies have never appealed to me nor do glow balls. Most women with calibrated breasts seem terribly upset and dissatisfied with the results except for one lady in Pasadena who went phosphorescent. Clearly, the deus ex vagina has not been received with enthusiasm. Perhaps the old way, the analog way, is best after all. W. A. Rieser |
