Terminus A short story from the novel Tour |
I awakened to find myself sitting in front of a nondescript black desk I don't recall seeing the material before from which it was made attended by an equally indescribable person. It could have been a man or woman, yet neither seemed appropriate. For some indefinable reason, I could not concentrate well enough to etch this entity's appearance in my mind. The room, a solidly off-white enclosure, could probably be best described as inoffensive, though bland was the term it most conveyed to my mind. I didn't notice any doors. Even stranger was this person's activity. He/she/it totally ignored me, focusing instead on what looked to me like a beautiful, small butterfly. At first I thought it was a piece of jewelry, for it was clearly encrusted with gems. That erroneous assumption dissipated when I observed the creature flap its wings, sitting atop a tiny pedestal. "Ah," said this previously inarticulate someone, now shining odd, yellow unpupiled eyes at my face. "We are now ready." "We? Who are you?" "The registrar," it answered. "It is my task to prepare you for the next phase." "Register for what, exactly? I've got all the degrees I could possibly want." "For the tunnel. Do you not understand anything?" "The tunnel. That makes a lot of sense. Do you have a name?" "Names do not matter. Thoughts and deeds are the only things accountable. You can call me Dream if you like." "Okay, Dream. So, where am I?" "At Terminus, of course. Where did you expect to be?" "I don't know that I expected anything. The last thing I remember is going to sleep. Now I'm here. What is Terminus and why am I here?" "Everyone comes to Terminus before proceeding. As for why you are here, the answer is because it is the way things are done. Would you rather float nowhere or be somewhere?" "Somewhere, obviously, but that doesn't tell me what Terminus is, does it?" "Can't you guess? After all, you're the one who shifted." "Can I speak to a supervisor or anyone who can communicate in English?" It gave me a look that effectively stamped disapproval on my mind. I was fairly certain now that it was neither a he nor a she. "We are not speaking the way you knew it. You are merely thinking in English, but those thoughts of yours instantly translate to Universal." "Right! This is becoming impossible." "Look, sir. I'm not supposed to use names, consult references, look for aid or explain anything to you. You're supposed to remember your life, not me." "Oh, so it's my life, is it? At last we're getting somewhere. Are you telling me I'm dead, is that it?" "Actually, if you think about it for a second, you'll realize that there is no such thing as dead. Aren't you here, sitting in that chair? Perhaps you recall that matter can only be changed, not destroyed? That applies to mental structures as well." "Mental structures? Fine. I'm not dead. Great! Then what the fuck is this all about?" "No need to be rude or angry." "Sorry. I apologize. I guess I'm very confused." "That's to be expected from the newly departed." "Then I did die!" "Not really. You're thinking incorrectly. Your sheath finished, that's all. You, your personality, your memories, are still very much alive. Didn't you read the Book at all?" "I never saw a book. What are you talking about?" "Oh, come on. It is just outside, impossible to get in here without seeing what is inside it." "I'm telling you I never saw any such thing. Don't you think I'd remember it?" "Your butterfly says you read it completely. Why bother to deny it?" "My butterfly? Now there's a revelation. What a stunning exposure. Look, Dream, I don't know who or what you are. I have no idea what that butterfly is or why you are playing with it if it's mine, and I never saw or read your damned book. I went to sleep in my own bed. When I awoke, I was sitting in this chair. That's all I remember." "Denigrating the Book is not helpful. Just a minute. Let me check something." It took Dream longer than a minute by my reckoning, though I was not wearing my watch. In fact, the more I looked, I didn't seem to be wearing hands or feet. Further self investigation yielded nothing. No limbs, no head, no body at all. Then what can this this person be talking to if not my body? Then I saw it stroke one of the butterfly's antennae. A look of smug satisfaction suddenly appeared on the registrar's odd face. "I think I have it. Your butterfly is saying that you are just being your old, stubborn self, that if you think hard, you'll remember the Book. He suggests that it might help you if I describe how it looks." I felt a little guilty at speaking harshly. Then it occurred to me that we really were not speaking. Dream did not possess a traditional mouth, something more like a small proboscis or sucker. It made me wonder if thoughts could be shouted. "The butterfly is a he?" I phrased as gently as I could. "You were a he. Obviously he is a he." "Tell me about the Book," I telepathically spoke in resignation. "Thick like a big dictionary mounted on a rostrum, opened to a specific page; your page, the one that tells the story of your sojourn so far." "I've seen such books before, but not just before coming here. I recall no words." "Not words, symbols, each with unique meanings; and images, moving pictures of the major events in your life." "I do seem to remember watching a movie before nodding off." "Now it's coming back to you." "About my life, you say?" "Everything you've ever done or thought about. We call it the Akashic Record. Many call it the Book of Life. Are we connecting?" "Everything? Does that mean all the women I . . . " "All of them. Nothing escapes the Book. Every innermost thought is recorded alongside your deeds." That made me feel like squirming a bit except that I had nothing to move. "You mentioned tunnel and shifted. I don't know what those terms mean in connection with my appearance here. And just what do I look like now, anyway? Like, I can't see myself at all." "The tunnel, as you should know, is simply the path from this existence to the next. As for shifting, you did that according to your own schedule when you released what you were and came here voluntarily. You no longer have a physical shape. What remains is your essential being. I can detect such a presence. That is why I am the registrar." "My schedule?" "You chose the conditions, the parents, the environment, everything you wanted to experience, the things important to you, especially the lessons." "I chose?" "The Book determines what you need to learn. You read it after each incarnation to see if you are ready to move on." "Are you talking reincarnation, the Hindu philosophy?" "Not when you are ready to move along. Only when you have made major mistakes and wish to compensate. All such decisions are yours and yours alone. So you see, there is nothing for you to get angry about. It's all part of the process you agreed to do." "When did I enter into such an agreement?" "Oh, let me think. That would be about 50,000 years ago. Of course, you were a late bloomer." "I'm not really getting all . . ." "Can't we get to the registration? Maybe that will answer some of your questions." "Fine. Anything but this confusion." "Excellent. Now, were you happy?" "Some things made me happy. Some did not." "I mean, the overall experience. Did you end in contentment." "How do you expect me to know that? I didn't know I was about to reach the end." "We have all the time it takes. In fact, there is no time here at Terminus. You can't go anywhere without registering." "Are you talking happy with people, work, my family or something else?" "All of them." "I hated my work. We were so dependent upon machines that quality no longer meant anything, only efficiency. And by definition, efficiency was nothing compared to what it was when the machines did not exist. I guess I disliked technology. That's why I always tried to take my family to the country for vacations." "Did you think or do anything to improve the human condition?" "Many times, but I was always overruled by greedy executives. Eventually, I stopped caring about change so I could earn enough for my family. Had I not done so, had I remained a visionary and a dreamer, I never could have sustained a decent house for my wife and kids." "According to my data, lots of earth entities live their whole lives in what you would not define as a decent house. But no matter. Tell me about the family." "They were great, especially while the kids were growing up. But, when they became teenagers, they just dropped out of the human race, not to mention my life. Maybe that is unfair, but two of them did nothing productive with their lives, at least so far. The third became an evil, money-grubbing thing I no longer wish to think about. None of them kept in touch with me or bothered to answer my emails except to beg for money." "But you did set a good example as a father, according to butterfly." "I tried everything I knew, much more than my own father did." "I see that. What about your wife?" "For a long time, we treated each other like couples should do. We were both friends and lovers. Ideal, I thought." "And then?" "I guess we got bored after awhile. We both strayed. It tore us apart." "Butterfly says you thought of an important question. Did you ever get it answered?" "Yes. We needed to pay attention to the small things, the little desires rather than the big ones. I think we both forgot to do that because we took each other for granted. That mistake cost both of us a great deal of pain." "Yet, you never found another like her." "No. Never. Not even close." "And your conclusion?" "When you have the one that is meant for you, everything must be sacrificed on their behalf. That includes money, ego and desire, even if it brings pain and suffering. If both see it the same way, it must end in the contentment you wanted me to speak of before." "Well, I am not in a position to be judgmental, but you certainly seem to have come a long way. What about friends?" "I had some. At least, I thought I did. I was there for a lot of people. Some were there for me when I least expected it. In that, I was lucky for awhile. Good neighbors, fellow workers, chance meetings. Come to think of it, there were one or two who were faithful to me right up to the end. I guess they're grieving for me now." "And the others?" "I don't handle betrayal well at all. I cannot tolerate lies and deceptions. When a friend did that to me, I severed the relationship." "Can you honestly say you never lied or betrayed anyone?" "Yes. Not once." "What of your wife?" "Excuse me. I did betray her . . . after I discovered how and with whom she betrayed me, my best friend at the time." "Yes. That all fits with what butterfly is telling me. Of course, betrayal is unique to earth. There is no such thing in the void." "Butterfly is me, isn't he?" "Your superior self. Now, as I told you before, it's time for the tunnel decision. Do you feel ready?" "I guess. What is it like?" "It's just another room where you can think about things, like whether you should go back or forward. You'll know which tunnel to select. Everyone does." "Isn't there supposed to be a bright light or something?" "Only if you choose to go back. It's full of illumination because you know what to expect. The other tunnel is totally black because it represents the unknown." "Aren't I supposed to meet some others here, those who have passed on before me?" "No. We are all involved in our own journeys." "What about Heaven and Hell." "We don't use names. For most, every termination is a bit of both." "G-d and the Devil?" "Same thing. We are all a part of both. Some are more godly, others more devilly. The most godly ones tend to move ahead, but not always. In the void, Satan is unfilled space, G-d a nova. You won't remember that if you go back." "I can keep my other memories?" "They are yours forever." "Any advice?" "Butterfly suggests you go back. He thinks your contentment is not exactly what you had in mind. Perhaps another trip might do the trick." "Is she also ended? I haven't kept in touch." "Oddly enough, she is in line behind you. I'm not supposed to tell you that. But if you go back and she does not, you'll have to search for another." "And yet, butterfly seems to think it will do me some good." "Undoubtedly. He is not capable of error." "I see, I think. What did you mean when you mentioned void?" "Where the stars, planets and moving chunks of atoms reside." "Do you mean to say my next experience will be as one of those?" "I don't mean to say anything. You will recognize the truth very shortly. I am permitted to remind you that earth is unique. Nothing to worry about. Besides, even if you became a sun or a comet, think of all the fun you will have rethinking everything you did in this little experience." "Asteroids think?" "Consider how many life forms there are on earth. If they all came back all the time in their favorite sheaths, there wouldn't be much room for anything. Why do you think the cosmos is never still, always trying to attract attention? Something new for you to think about. But you'll decide shortly." "Where?" "The passage to the room of contemplation is now open for you. You can observe it above if you concentrate." "I see it. Why is it on fire?" "You must pass through fire to fully terminate. Don't worry, you have no sheath to burn." "How can I rise from this chair?" "The same way you entered this doorless room, by thinking about it and imagining yourself doing it." "Will I see you again?" "If you go back, yes." "You never told me what you are, only what you do. Are you an angel?" "Hardly. I am the terminus, the end product of the human race." "How can you exist if we have not evolved to that point?" "Someone must have thought about it. I know I did." "Wish me luck, Dream." "Perhaps with a little less stubbornness, a little more forgiveness, you just might achieve happiness. Also, don't forget about following through on your own dreams. It makes a big difference. One more thing, from my own little journey." "Yes?" It bent over the desk and whispered as though it didn't wish to be overheard. "If you decide to move on, avoid being a black hole or a temporal rift. Those are almost always very negative and can damage you psychologically. Suns are much more stable." W.A.Rieser |
