Schmurbs

A Humorous Article

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I coined the word to mean "conspirators." Sandra and I constantly conspire

against each other when playing Canasta or Scrabble. While she is concentrating hard on a word to stumble-block me, I put something diverting on the CD player, like Stan Getz's brilliant Focus album or the hilarious P. D. Q. Bach series by Peter Shickele, especially "Iphigenia In Brooklyn." She picks 'wrapt' and smiles sardonically, then gracefully slithers over to the CD and replaces my selection with heavy Wagner or John Philip Sousa, the kind of stuff my ex-dentist used to play when doing a root canal or a molar extraction on me. I rise to the challenge with 'quahog.' She screams, quoting from "To Kill A Mockingbird," when May Ella says, "He took advantage of me!"

To further explain, I haven't allowed Sandra to cut her hair since my stroke,

some 25 months ago, because I've grown mine long since then. My crisis beard reach a foot and a half with my hair at two feet when she finally rebelled. I was unGandalfed this week and agreed to let her get a cut and permanent. She does look beautiful. I was being stubborn.

For purely bizzare conspiracy theories, one needs to consult google and look up the exceptionally controversial Illuminati. I highly recommend Robert Gillette's site at: http://members.tripod.com/~RobertGillette/Illuminati.html You will discover that this organization, the modern version of which was founded in 1776 by Adam Weishaupt in Bavaria, attempted to rule the world by means of assassinations, bribery, blackmail, revolutions and espionage. Hmm! Shades of Islam and American politics, wouldn't you say? He goes on to insist that thousands of secret societies such as the Illiminati, New World Order, the Trilateral Commission, Council of Foreign Relations, Satanism, Freemasonry, Paganism, Witchcraft and Gnosticism plus many others, are responsible

for all the world's troubles. He suggests that the French and Russian revolutions, the world wars, anti-semitism, anti-catholicism and virtually every modern atrocity has been fomented by these groups to bring back a return to paganism.

I remember when the Illuminati contacted me and tried to get me to make a

donation. No actual names were revealed. Everything had to be kept secret, probably because the FBI is building an elaborate case against them. There was also a fellow who published a book at iUniverse called The Illuminati Manifesto by Solomon Tulbure. In it, he discusses earth-shaking truths, rather opposite to Robert Gillette, in which the Illuminati are going to save the world from the evil schemes of those in current power.

In researching this total idiocy, I found four other names, that of Robert Galon Ross, Sr., William Joseph Sutton, James Perloff and David Icke, all of whom have published books about The Illuminati. Mr. Icke recently appeared on PBS to publicize his atrocious nonsense to the world. Damn, I wish I had his money or publicity agent for my books.

Mr. Icke repeated what is clearly stated on his well-designed website at:

http://www.davidicke.com/icke/temp/reptconn.html He makes a reptilian connection from the time of Genesis, saying that the origin of The Illuminati were the Nephilim, creatures produced by alien "gods" who mingled with human females. He goes on to say that every world leader, from ancient Sumer right up to Charlemagne and George W. Bush, are related by blood. In other words, they actually possess reptilian DNA. I have to admit, I've not personally examined Margaret Thatcher's DNA nor compared it to GWB's. Certainly not Clinton's nor Arafat's. Unfortunately, Icke overlooks the fact

that the Nephilim were wiped out by the Flood, but perhaps some of them survived.

Son-of-a-gun! All this time I've been misled to believe that George is simply a wealthy (never having worked a day in his life,) alcoholic moron who is unable to win a war against nonentities with the greatest army the world has ever seen. I'm really crushed to learn that he is a lizard. I always thought lawyers were lizards.

Shakespeare's little offering is much more encouraging, the one in Henry VI, Act IV - Scene 2, where the King says, "Our first thought should be to kill all the lawyers." Now there's an attractive conspiracy. If one eliminates all the prosecutors, how can anyone be charged for removing those bottom dwellers? For my part, I'll keep my conspiracies wide open and literary, except perhaps in Scrabble.

W. A. Rieser



	Schmurbs A Humorous Article
		back


I coined the word to mean "conspirators." Sandra and I constantly conspire against each other when playing Canasta or Scrabble. While she is concentrating hard on a word to stumble-block me, I put something diverting on the CD player, like Stan Getz's brilliant Focus album or the hilarious P. D. Q. Bach series by Peter Shickele, especially "Iphigenia In Brooklyn." She picks 'wrapt' and smiles sardonically, then gracefully slithers over to the CD and replaces my selection with heavy Wagner or John Philip Sousa, the kind of stuff my ex-dentist used to play when doing a root canal or a molar extraction on me. I rise to the challenge with 'quahog.' She screams, quoting from "To Kill A Mockingbird," when May Ella says, "He took advantage of me!" To further explain, I haven't allowed Sandra to cut her hair since my stroke, some 25 months ago, because I've grown mine long since then. My crisis beard reach a foot and a half with my hair at two feet when she finally rebelled. I was unGandalfed this week and agreed to let her get a cut and permanent. She does look beautiful. I was being stubborn. For purely bizzare conspiracy theories, one needs to consult google and look up the exceptionally controversial Illuminati. I highly recommend Robert Gillette's site at: http://members.tripod.com/~RobertGillette/Illuminati.html You will discover that this organization, the modern version of which was founded in 1776 by Adam Weishaupt in Bavaria, attempted to rule the world by means of assassinations, bribery, blackmail, revolutions and espionage. Hmm! Shades of Islam and American politics, wouldn't you say? He goes on to insist that thousands of secret societies such as the Illiminati, New World Order, the Trilateral Commission, Council of Foreign Relations, Satanism, Freemasonry, Paganism, Witchcraft and Gnosticism plus many others, are responsible for all the world's troubles. He suggests that the French and Russian revolutions, the world wars, anti-semitism, anti-catholicism and virtually every modern atrocity has been fomented by these groups to bring back a return to paganism. I remember when the Illuminati contacted me and tried to get me to make a donation. No actual names were revealed. Everything had to be kept secret, probably because the FBI is building an elaborate case against them. There was also a fellow who published a book at iUniverse called The Illuminati Manifesto by Solomon Tulbure. In it, he discusses earth-shaking truths, rather opposite to Robert Gillette, in which the Illuminati are going to save the world from the evil schemes of those in current power. In researching this total idiocy, I found four other names, that of Robert Galon Ross, Sr., William Joseph Sutton, James Perloff and David Icke, all of whom have published books about The Illuminati. Mr. Icke recently appeared on PBS to publicize his atrocious nonsense to the world. Damn, I wish I had his money or publicity agent for my books. Mr. Icke repeated what is clearly stated on his well-designed website at: http://www.davidicke.com/icke/temp/reptconn.html He makes a reptilian connection from the time of Genesis, saying that the origin of The Illuminati were the Nephilim, creatures produced by alien "gods" who mingled with human females. He goes on to say that every world leader, from ancient Sumer right up to Charlemagne and George W. Bush, are related by blood. In other words, they actually possess reptilian DNA. I have to admit, I've not personally examined Margaret Thatcher's DNA nor compared it to GWB's. Certainly not Clinton's nor Arafat's. Unfortunately, Icke overlooks the fact that the Nephilim were wiped out by the Flood, but perhaps some of them survived. Son-of-a-gun! All this time I've been misled to believe that George is simply a wealthy (never having worked a day in his life,) alcoholic moron who is unable to win a war against nonentities with the greatest army the world has ever seen. I'm really crushed to learn that he is a lizard. I always thought lawyers were lizards. Shakespeare's little offering is much more encouraging, the one in Henry VI, Act IV - Scene 2, where the King says, "Our first thought should be to kill all the lawyers." Now there's an attractive conspiracy. If one eliminates all the prosecutors, how can anyone be charged for removing those bottom dwellers? For my part, I'll keep my conspiracies wide open and literary, except perhaps in Scrabble. W. A. Rieser