Letter to Heaven A Satire |
Dear G-d, Please forgive this graven image, but I know someone is coming to see You very soon and he promises to make the delivery. This is not really a complaint, but there are a number of things that have us all quite confused, just in case You have been away and haven't checked in lately. We know heaven is like yourself, entirely invisible, lofty, filled with harps, absent of rap music, surreal art, horror fiction and blogs, but we would dearly like to know what creative people do once they get there. The population thing, another conundrum for us, is out of control. We know You told us to be fruitful and multiply, but gardens need a lot of tending and when the growth exceeds the size of the bed, things get messy. I'm not saying You haven't provided ample malignant wars, diseases, serial killers, and various religious persuasions to inspire genocides, but they really haven't made a dent. Things are getting so bad that even Your innumerable flies, mosquitos and cockroaches are beginning to feel threatened, not to mention the human maggots.. Then there is the illogical money quandary. You never told us a whole lot about it, except that it should be shared with the poor. Most of us are abysmally poor and in need of shoes. I'm afraid the sharing has never caught on. To illustrate, we know You gave us everything we need on this planet to survive, even remedies for the worst possible diseases, cures often found in trees and plants. Unfortunately, the disgustingly wealthy people won't let anyone have them, even when they are proven to wipe out things like cancer, diabetes and heart problems. They say it interferes with the pharmaceutical and medical industries and will cause mass unemployment. In a similar travesty, the oil tycoons have made sure everyone is dependent on them, so few people can save enough money to find a place to live where they can actually walk to work, assuming they can find any. Couch potatoing is big. That is just the tip of the iceberg. In fact, those are melting and threatening to inundate millions of people. Of course, You know all about that, but didn't You promise never to wipe us out with a flood again? Also, there is the animal problem. You gave us dominion, but never said what we should do when all the animals are gone. That seems to be happening very quickly now, thousands of species every week. And most of the meat has gone bad anyway. We're getting down to mole and kangaroo burgers. And tilling the land to grow food is now a serious dilemma. Scientists have been experimenting with things like gene splicing. It's in all our food now, which is nowhere near as palatable as anything in the past. Worse, it's poisonous to a great many people. I was wondering if that, like those other facts mentioned above, is part of Your plan to limit us humans. Naturally, we still offer sacrifices and praise to You with a neverending blanket of dark, savory smoke in Your air. Of course, the prophet-priest-king controversy has been predictably bad. Most prophets are in hiding, priests unable to contact you, and the kings . . . the worst on record. Add to that all the inexplicable religious nonsense and You can see for Yourself that we are essentially lost and without guidance. And the racial thing You set up has never been resolved. We're down to just five at the moment and ar e trying very hard to blend it all into just one. So what are we supposed to do with ourselves? What happens when there are more people than land? Do we colonize the stars? What if we run out of food and water? Just wondering because no one down here has a clue. Even Jerry Falwell and Billy Graham are off track. We can do some nuclear stuff to whittle ourselves down to a manageable species again, but not without ruining what little land is still available. You should see those prices, even for unavailable and non-existing lots. Finally, we are all very puzzled about what happens at the end. We know our bodies go back to the soil, but the intellect-soul thing has billions of us going crazy. Could You be just a tad more clear about that so we can make logical decisions? If not, could you give us a more detailed Book? Thanking You in advance for your cooperation, Bill |
